Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
