I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
