I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Drunk is not a location!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
