there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
