dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
