Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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