my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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