as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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