Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
