My first STD was from a foam party
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
