At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
