We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
