dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
