worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
