Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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