never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize