It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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