I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
