Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
