You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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