five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize