hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
