Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
