Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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