Cold hands, warm shart.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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