forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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