I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize