if i died would you start the facebook group?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
