i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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