Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
