how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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