don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize