I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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