The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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