Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
