"it" just moved
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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