My first STD was from a foam party
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
