So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize