ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
