I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
