I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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