i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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