Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize