i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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