I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
