Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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