I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Non-Jews are for practice
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
