guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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