he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
