Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize