I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
