I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
