Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
