He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
