OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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