My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
