id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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