Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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