If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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