He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
