First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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