i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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