Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
