New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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