It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
