it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
