First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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