Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
